Who's leaving? or is the Register & Bee finally hiring

Who's leaving the newsroom? Thanks to the alert reader who sent me the link to this job posting. On Journalismjobs.com (a popular website for journalists)
The Danville Register & Bee, has one opening available for a page designer/copy editor. This position is entry level. If you can demonstrate the ability to create eye-catching pages, then we are interested in talking with you. Page duties vary from night to night, including Page A1 and inside wire pages; region & state pages; and feature sections. Knowledge of Quark Xpress and Photoshop required. You will also learn to post stories to the Internet, create photo galleries and edit video.

First of all let me say there are a few reasons to work at The Danville Register & Bee. If you are gay Media General offers you and your same-sex partner full medical benefits. You don't even have to fly to California to get married first. There are several gay employees and the atmosphere is definitely supportive of alternative lifestyles. So, if you have a gay relative who wants to live and work openly - this is definitely an option for them (or you!) Seriously.

You'll have a parking place. With all the recent layoffs and people leaving the paper in search of better jobs - there's plenty of parking.

If you like dirty jokes, humiliating women and bitching about anything and everything. You'll fit right in and hit the ground running.

If you're a white male, chances are even better you'll have a good shot at management since all the newsroom managers are white males.

Can you swear like a sailor? Have an affinity for the "F" word? You'll love the Danville Register & Bee newsroom.

Do you like to work? Enjoy lots of overtime and working late nights? Hate having two days in a row off? Go fill out an application NOW!

Do you thrive under poor management or management by intimidation and cluelessness? You'll do well at The Danville Register & Bee!

Enjoy wasting your time in meetings that accomplish nothing beyond pissing off those who have to sit through them while management whines about how even though you're busting your butt it's not enough? You're going to love it there!

Finally, if you're preparing for a stint on "Survivor" or "The Mole" you'll get a good workout and learn lots about backstabbing, lies and playing co-workers off against one another. Survive the Danville Register & Bee and you can survive any reality show where lying is required.



People who should NOT apply to work at The Danville Register & Bee

People who feel good about themselves. People who are talented, intelligent, cheerful or gifted in any way. You'll become an immediate target by the reining bullies.

True Christians will not do well there unless they are prepared to be tried by fire and to not speak out about their faith.

If you believe that women and minorities deserve respect - keep looking for another job.

If you enjoy having a life, you'll be miserable. If you want to count on a certain day and time off, regular hours, a 40-hour work week and low stress this is not the job for you.

If you enjoy being praised, rewarded and respected for doing work above and beyond what is expected - find another job somewhere else. The official policy is everyone - even the clueless and lazy, get the same treatment as those who carry the whole office. It's true. They not only believe that they enforce it. Everyone is treated like crap.

If you want to make a living wage - do it somewhere else. I made $28,000 a year plus overtime on occasion. Of course after taxes, insurance, etc. I only brought home $320 a week. I believe most folks make in the $18,000-$24,000 range.

Training. Of course you're promised training, but in reality there is no training budget. Your "training" will consist of figuring it out yourself or hoping that someone has time to show you how to do something when you get stuck. Of course you'll be looked at like an idiot if you can't figure it out or don't already know it. Don't worry about being able to create eye-catching pages. Only the top layout folks do that. Rest assured Charles is not going to give up being the primary person to lay out the front page - and he certainly won't give it up should you really be talented. If you are really really talented, be prepared to be run off after about three-to-six months because your talent will intimidate those around you who prefer the performance bar not be raised. If you are a true beginner - don't waste your time and potential even to learn the basics. Go somewhere that's not such a pressure cooker and so negative.